Human Nature?

First of all I will say I will try my very best to make this my last entry about Mr Jackson, okay a short time has passed now since Michael Jackson's This Is It, wait a second, I am just going to make a good old cup of english tea hahaha, I can't believe I just wrote that, thanks M!
Okay back, that's better,,,, yes I feel this entry needs a brew, okay so I watched it. I laughed, I cried and I was fucking amazed at what could have been. Yes I know this "movie" was probably put together in a very special way to make it the best it could be. You know what, I am glad. It showed Michael as he was practically in 95'. He looked, sounded and moved amazingly! Nothing said he could have been a very sick old man. Like a friend said to me very recently, this movie is a goldmine for fans. I agree 100% with him. Most people are not intrested in the whole rehersal part, but for a true fan of Michael they find that more entertaining.. in my eyes anyway.
Despite what people say about Michael's lifestyle and health, this "movie" proved one thing and one thing alone.... this man still had the magic he possesed all the years ago. He still performed with all his might and would not accept less than perfect. Wether he wanted to do this tour or not, he was going to make sure his fans saw something special and he put in his all. This was evident. I am sad and heartbroken I will never get to see him live, but I am happy for one thing, that's knowing that the tickets I purchased was for something that would not have let me down in the slightest like most people thought. 50 years of age or not, that man still had "it"!!!
Okay I am done.
Next subject, so I have been recently speaking with a musician/singer/songwriter, this guy amazes me, for his age, his intrest and knowledge of certain music gives me faith again. Finally someone under 30 who speaks about music with such passion and love. He knows what he likes, what he dislikes and is also willing to learn new things too..... I can ask "what do you like?" and his answer is not "anything"..... he has names of artists and bands and influences... it's great. Talking to him is not at all boring and I am glad we have become friends... yes this coming from the bubble girl who dislikes all people and preferes to sit in alone. haha. Now I like to think I met him through MJ becasue it's this entertainer/"impersonater" I have discussed before. I inqoute impersonator because I don't feel he impersonates anyone... it's his own voice. Yes I find it creepy and annoying but at the same time I find it amazing that I struggle to hear the difference between them... amazing. Can't wait to hear him sing/perform something other than Michael though, that will be cool. John Lennon's Imagine does not count. haha.
Next subject, I did not get to see the dinosaurs, that morning was rushed into hospital. And that's enough about that.
Been very creative again this week... I think I have a found a muse. Drawing, painting and more importantly writing, I am writing again, I have things to write about. It's a great feeling. I can't stop. This week it's just been pouring out. Thankyou.
I gave up one of the most important things I loved many years ago when I decided to grow up, get a proper job and so on..... my only regret. I have had a lot of time alone to think recently (in hospital) and things for me now are going to change, I should not have given up something I was good at. Not just something I was good at but something I enjoyed and was clearly born to be a part of.... I am going to get my finger out of my a** now and start being me again.
Why do people do that? Why do people change because they feel society needs them to be responsible in a certain way? Is it just human nature to try and fit in?
Well no more for me, for me I feel it's human nature to do what sets you apart from all the other sheep and do what makes you happy, not them. It's taken someone younger to make me realise that. Speaking about my past and the things I have done and I realised while doing this I was smiling and had not been happier discussing these things, I realised, I missed it, all of it. What a waste. I don't regret in anway the last 6 years but I do regret what I gave up because I thought I had to.
This Is It, Whatever Happens My Human Nature will make me Invincible and Unbreakable. This Time Around I won't be Threatened, I will Keep The Faith and no longer keep my talents In The Closet. Another Part Of Me will Remember The time of my HiStory and Smile. Is it Dangerous not to want anymore Privacy? Or is it Human Nature?
Toodlepip.

A Question And Thought Or Two!

Wednesday is almost here and it's all I can think about. Michael Jackson's This Is It premiers and I have tickets to see the much anticipated "movie". I am scared to death of seeing it though. Truly knowing what could have been, I mean I actually have my concert tickets now, for a concert that will never ever happen. Yet I am going to get to see what I could have seen live.
It's very bitter sweet. I am so very excited to see it, of course I am, but of course I am anxious too. I know there will be tears before bedtime.
I will comment about the show after I have seen it.

On a brighter note my obsession with dinosaurs is finally going to pay off.... I am getting to see the excellent show Walking With Dinosaurs on Thursday night. That should be cool. They look so very real and are sooooo huge! Thanks to HK for that.
Again, I will comment more about that after the fact!

Hmmm what's new? What do I wish to discuss? Let's see?

Why do people stay in "relationships" when they have no intention on staying in them? Why do these people insist on being unhappy? Yeah sure they have their good days and in their own way love their partners but..but...BUT 90% of the time they can not explain why they are with that person. This baffles me. Are people afraid of being alone? Have we become a society that expects everyone to be in a relationship? Have we become that co-dependant?

How many people sit and wonder "What legacy will I be leaving behind?" or is it just me?

For weeks now I have thought more and more about this, not in a morbid way, more in a "how will I be remembered" kind of way. I have no children, and only 3 true good friends, one of which I have never seen face to face yet would take a bullet for. It's amazing how people can effect your life, so have I affected anyones life? You look at people like Michael Jackson, Princess Diana, Freddie Mercury, Elvis Presley..... yes apart from Diana they were entertainers but they are remembered and Never Ever forgotten. They left something behind. They touched people's hearts in a way not many can. I believe these people famous or not would still be remembered becasue of their passion for life. I like to think I have such passion.
Enough to be remembered anyway, yet of course I still question that. I question it because, what will I be remembered for? All I have done, places I have seen, and people I have met yet I have brought nothing back with me. These are things I wonder when I can not sleep, sorry! I am not depressed nor am I unhappy, just being all "thoughtfull" ha ha ha!

Here is another thing.... where is the motivation? In anything? Nobody seems to have any motivation to do or like or dislike anything anymore. Where has all the passion gone? Has everyone just given up?
It saddens me that nobody has that old "get up and go" in them anymore..... I have a friend with so much talent, that just oozes insperation and creativity and is all talk.... he could do so much more than what he is doing, The truth is he wants to but I don't think he quite believes in himself and that saddens me. Another friend who simply just accepted life as it is and tries to change nothing because he no longer sees the point! Why, why can't people want something so bad they would do just about anything to get it? What happened to that fire in people?
I can only think of one friend that I have that is fighting for success in life.... he has passion, he loves what he does and is working is heart out fighting for it. 112 people on Facebook and I can think of only that one! Is that not just wrong. Why can everyone not see that they are worth something in life and not everything is pointless and routine? Has everyone given up?

It's staggering what a person can do if they only try!
Right?

Toodlepip :-)

Mr Valen I salute you!

Well as I have previously stated I love Kristian Valen, oh with all my heart. His comedy, his life, his music, it all makes me smile. Really makes me smile, makes me giddy and happy.
The last few days I have been a little blue hehehe, understated much? Tonight came on Valen's Frokost TV! His new show, oh god he is awesome, he is so funny and incredibly talented, and has oh so much creativity. I do really love him, he is awesome. How schoolgirly he makes me. All giddy and pathetic like.
I embaress myself sometimes with my reaction to this guy. Moving to Norway I found three artists that I loved to follow, The first one was within days of being here and that was Morten Abel.... For me he is a musical Kevin Spacey, all sophisticated and gentleman like. His voice is hypnostising and he makes me smile. Then not long after came Kristian Valen doing a show I found very hard to understand with it all being in norwegian, I had only been here a month therefor new nothing of what was being said, yet for some reason could not turn away. I was mezmorised by this man, and researched him and within days owned everything he has ever done. I knew more about this man than most norwegians lol. Obsessed much? I think so.
Then there was Åge Sten Nilsen from the band WigWam... he was just such a happy chap, and had an amazing voice.
So those are my three, and I have seen all but Kristian Valen! I have wrote to him, and he wrote back. Its exciting to know that for those few moments when he writes to me personally, he knows who I am, he knows I exist, and this is such a thrilling thought to me.
For me, the man is pure honesty. Full of bravado yet completley insecure and vunrable. The lyrics in his songs say, "I am not trying to be anything more than what I am and know", his honesty completley comes across. He is just absolutely awesome, I say awesome because I am in awe of him.
So anyway yeah, back to his new show. Of course the man's a genius and has pulled off another great! Can't wait for the next episode!
Toodlepip.

A little light at the end of the tunnel!

Okay so I made a proper sunday lunch today, ya know turkey roast, veg, mash, roast potatoes and gravy bla bla bla, it was really good too, everyone seemed to enjoy it and we are now watching Jean Claude Van Damme on TV with my grandmother, how awesome is that!?
So I see the light, nowhere near a wahoo moment, but its good!
Okay I am going for a smoke now and having a shower, The Cardinals are playing later against the Brewers, come on Cards!! We got RedBird Fever!!!!!!
Toodlepip.

Is it as bad as it seems? Never!

There is nothing better in life than when someone who barely knows you :
1. Talks about you like they know you better than yourself,
2. Assume you are still the same person you were when you were 13yrs old.
3. Talks about you as if your not in the same room.
4. Refuses to believe you may just be slightly intelligent.

This is just four of the things I love when family comes to visit. Many people past and present ask me why I don't like people!? Why am I not a people person? I truly believe this is one of the reasons. Not many people will allow you to truly be yourself, they spend years of your life telling you to be yourself and when you try, that's when they stop you in your tracks and say "Be yourself". So I have now come to the conclusion they really mean, "Be what we expected of you".
Fuck it,
I stopped fighting it and now just sit quitely and wait for them to leave. It's much easier to sit and nod like a good little doggie. I would just like one day for people to leave me alone, it's as simple as that.
If I could truly have my wish it would be to live in an underground house with no windows. That would be nice. Now we know with my "blogs" I don't really like to put the typical complaining about my life type stuff but today and yesterday have just drove me almost insane,,, don't get me wrong, to some extent it's been nice, it's just those little quips and gobbets that I have to rise above. It's so tiring. I know it get's tiring because lots of other little things now in my head are big fucking deals, things that would not usually annoy me that much are now driving me insane.
Like, ok, here we go. Last Valentines day I went with Lois Lane to see Åge Sten Nilsen in Drammen, I was so excited, and of course when I got to meet him I played the "I have come all the way from England to see you" card!!! heehee! It was great, Lois said I made his day, he gave me a cuddle and a kiss.... and all this is in evidence now, because Lois took video's and photo's of this happening, plus everything I told that happened Lois was there as proof.
Then last night HK told me grandmother that I lie about thingsd and it's in my head but I tell people it's real. I asked "like when, who have I done that with?".... he simply looked at me and said "Åge Sten Nilsen"..... I was so shocked, not because he did not believe me even though I had photgraphic evidence, not because it was Lois that told the story, I was shocked because my gradmother sat there agreeing with him like 'yes that's what she does'. Thats what annoyed me, it made me look stupid, of course you could see this in my face and then my grandmother quipped "Oooh look at her face now!"...... he laughed.
It's not funny, it's those small things that can be very degrading to a person. It's no secret that my family make me feel like shit, they insult me and make me feel like a very small person capable of nothing. So you would think once and a while you could rely on the person you live (who knows all this) to just shut up not say things like that, if anything to big me up a little, make them proud. Like I say though this is something so terribly small not even worthy of being written down, but this is the mood I am currently in, frustrated, tired and just plain blah!
At the moment, listening to Kristian Valen is keeping me sane, sounds silly but it's true, he makes me happy.
Things are changing too, Jean Claude Anderson and his partner, oooh she needs a name, we will call her Nemi, yeah thats good, so Nemi has just moved into Jean Claude's house, thats cool, he's happy now. Michael's dead, Not seen a few of the others in ages, just it's all changing, I hate change, I fear change. The only thing thats consistent in my life and doesn't change is my Kev. He's always there no matter what, ready to discuss the same shit we discuss, as if it's the greatest conversation ever had. I like that, it's comfortable. I do wish he was closer, or I was.
What else do I want to ramble about?
I suppose I am just in a low blue mood today. Although in all honesty it's a better mood than yesterday. I hate complaining, but sometimes you need to get the pointless silly little trivia crap out or you will go out and hold a shopping mall hostage with an AK-47! LOL

I am not exactly happy at the moment, but I am not unhappy about it. I am just getting along with life. I am happy with HK, I am soon going to be working again which is excellent,. I am just waiting for my wahoo moment I suppose. I need that wahoo moment, and if I didn't think it existed I would have hung myself years ago, but I believe in it, I see it, I know it's there. There has to be some proof out there waiting letting me know it's not all for nothing.
You know what, I can't wait!
Toodlepip.

A Birthday To Remember?

Well, weeks have passed and now it is the day that Michael Joseph Jackson would have turned 51 years young. It's the August the 29th and of course people are sad, are still mourning and are having the predictable MJJ day. I myself was sat here when I was introduced to a young man by the name of Marcus Joseph, an obvious life long fan who liked to impersonate his idol. The dancing anybody can try and replicate but like Freddie and Elvis, Michael Jackson had a voice that was a hard feat to replicate. Marcus Joseph in my eyes has managed it, it brought tears to my eyes and sent shivers everywhere hearing such classic ballads of Michael being sung by a young boy who's voice did not fit with his face. You heard him sing and could only picture Michael. It was amazing. I am not one that follows replicators nor impersonaters but I will be following this young fellow to see what becomes of him.
Anyway, I recently went to the UK with my little Lois and had a suprisingly good time, although from day one you knew it would be intresting. Day one we both nearly died on the tube, why oh why knowing that this enterprise is so busy and demanding have the powers that be in fucking suits can they not make it more safe!?!
It was rediculous, knowing that if anything really dangerous was to happen there was no officials around to take charge of things, you are completely fucking alone with hundreds of people not giving a shit about anything apart from squeezing on/into the hot tin tube!
Okay back to Michael, his death has been put as a homocide, well duh! Michael my have been a mentally fucked up drug addict that put himself in strange situations, but he also paid people money, a lot of fucking money to help care for him, ie: doctors, these/this doctor were paid an unbelievable amount of money to help protect and care for Mr Jackson.
Michael knew that the drugs he used were so strong that he needed supervisation when taking them, this is what he hired "people" for.
So when it is publicly announced that Michael died due to lethal amounts of propofol in his sytem, lots of narrow minded folk say "well its his own fault" and "that doctor should not be charged with anything as Michael knew what he was doing".
I partly agree, Michael did know what he was doing, Michael also knew what he was doing could possibly one day kill him which is why he paid this certain "doctor" a lot of money to take care of him. Drug addict or not, if this doctor at one point stuck to his vows as a doctor he would have said, "Michael, I dont care how much you pay me, I will not admit anymore to you" But the money was obviously more important to this man, and becasue of that it is manslaughter in my eyes, this tradgic death could have been avoided. Easily.
We also have the whole conspiracy / is he alive/ was it suicide or murder thing out. Its like a train wreck I cant look away from, I hate to read such nasty rumours but I suppose as a fan you have to take the bad with the good, and can also look away if you really dont want to see it. Michael Jackson is dead, I have no doubt in this, despite "real" footage of him being scene after his death.
I truly believe and hope the man is dead now, it absolutely broke my fucking heart at the news of this legend's demise, but I dealt with it like all the other fans out there, and finally accepted it. Hated it but accepted it. To even think for one minute that Michael would put his fans through that goes against everything the man ever stood for. To put also his family through that is just not that man! If Michael Jackson himself was to knock on my door and say "hey I am alive" I would gracefully admit I was wrong and ask for an explanation. This is the only thing that would ever make me think he may not be dead. He is though and I think we all know it. In the words of Hetfield, its sad but true.
Started to watch Entourage,,,, Jesus Christ, it's been on. what? Four years and I have only just finally decided to watch it, and managed 4 seasons in three days, it's awesome, although I think I am NOT an Entourage fan, I am an Ari fan. That man both Ari and Jermey is awesome. The writers and casting of that show are complete genius's. I am going to start watching season five later on, it's brilliant, and it is not Sex And The City with men, not one bit! So I thank HK for not pushing me into it but cleverly mentioning it once and a while, if anything that grabbed my intrest more, I was like why on earth is this man obsessing over this show and not pushing me to watch it with him,,,, clever move HK!!!
Fuck me, Michael Jackson is awesome, excellent and all other words that mean he is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No HK I will not cut down on the exlamation marks, I like them!
Hell's Kitchen is back. And bigger and better than ever. Only a few episodes have passed and its grabbed my attention quick.. will comment on it more when more episodes have aired. Along with The X Factor in the UK., that started last week and a few minor changes but yet to soon to leave a judgment, I will say one thing though, there are so many people out there who really truly believe they have "it"! I don't know what "it" is, but I know they dont got it!
It's Michael Jackson's birthday today... I do keep tearing up. I can't help it. Accepting his death does not mean I am not to be upset at the fact that he is gone. They say he will live forever and all that and in many ways it's true, he will, his music will. His soul will, He left a stamp on this world, He left his mark. People that never were alive when he was will still know who he was in the future. He will still have new fans in ten, twenty years, he will still be selling albums and getting number one spots when the majority of us are all gone. I agree.
Like Elvis, Michael Jackson did not die, he just went home!! Hee Hee!!
Happy Birthday Michael. Love you.

Is This It?

Things were going so well, I should have known a storm was brewing. Got myself a flight to Paris to see Depeche Mode on the 27th, I fly on the 26th... Could not be happier, and then............
One of my worst nightmares from being 8 years old happened, something I had feared. My idol, my insperation, my influence, has passed away. Of course its big news, it's like the day JFK was shot or when Elvis died, people always remember were they were when they found out this stuff... Well I will NEVER forget were I was and what my reaction was the night I found out Michael Joseph Jackson had died. Writing this now brings tears to my eyes as I I am not quite sure its sunk in. I know, I know, he was not family and I did not know him, BUT he had actually always been there throughout my life so far. Everyone knows who Michael is. He is a legend! On the 25th June 2009, Michael Joseph Jackson was pronounced dead at the UCLA Hospital unable to be resucitated from a cardiac arrest. He is really gone. This is not some cruel sick joke, it's fact, it's something a lot of people will not get over. The man was and is larger than life and in some irrational way people saw him is being immortal, invincible.
I was told and I broke down, I was so upset I even vomitted unable to calm down. I knew when it eventually would happen I would be heartbroken but I did not think I would be like this. The man obviously touched my life deeper than I ever thought. Its been almost a day and I am still unable to hold back the tears, I do not want to see the news and will not be going online. There are going to be rumours, cruel jokes and conspiracy theories.. all of which I am not intrested in... so its better to just try and stay away. A lot of people, friends and family have contacted me via facebook, text and phone calls, to see if I am ok, (it really is like I have lost a member of family, and they know how much I love him, so they are treating it like that).They know I am not ok.
I am currently sat in a cafe in Prague awaiting my flight to Paris to see Depeche Mode. I should be excited and thrilled, but can not yet bring myself to feel the need to celebrate. I suppose this gig could not have come at a better time. When I get to Paris to be with friends it may help me take my mind off it a little, because at the moment its hard to think of anything else as the news is EVERYWHERE!
I had my tickets to see him concert, I was finally going to see him, my hero! Instead it will always be remember as the tour that never was! Part of me says he is in a so much better place now, no longer can he be hurt or rediculed. That was something he never deserved. I have stood by him and been a fanatic for so many years, we haven't lost him, he is Michael Jackson and is ALWAYS going to be around. The man was and is a legend in his own right and will NEVER be forgotten. Never!
With all the love in my heart I say good night my Michael, sleep well! I love you!
I truly am heartbroken and hope soon I can think of him without tears in my eyes. This happened too soon. Too fast. It does not matter how he went, I dont need the details, the fact is he went isn't it?, Is that not what matters?
I am getting extremley upset now, and I have not slept since I found out, I am exhausted and look like shit. I am going to go for a smoke now. So for all those of you that feel the need to come out with your tacky sleezy jokes,,,,,, please don't! There is no need and nobody wants to hear them, He was and is a great man, great father and absolutley fantabulous entertainer. Thats how he needs to be remembered! And by me, he will.

Star Trek, Morrissey, Kevlartuff..........

Okay I WAS pleasantly suprised by the new Star Trek movie..... it did have the Star Trek feel to it completley and was also in my eyes fantabulously cast! The story was ace, the acting was ace and the effects were brilliant, it had to it a similar dark feeling as in Nemesis which made me a little happy even though First Contact is still untouchable in my book. The only problems I had with the movie were little trivial geeky ones that could easily be forgotton because the movie was excellent, it was very very Star Trek and I can not wait for the next installment!!
So I recently got the new album from Morrissey. Now I loved loved loved the last one, and this new one is as good but something does not feel right, its the same feeling I had with the new Depeche Mode album, BUT as we all know that grew on me within hours so its looking like this new Morrissey album is awesome hahaha. I already have a couple of songs that have stuck in my head, Morrissey once again has produced a typically sounding Morrissey album and its a pleasure to listen to.
I finally got in touch with my Kevlartuff the other day. It's strange, after all the time/years we have known each other we speak/spoke eveery single day... and the last 6 months have been terrible, its strange, if its not been one problem its been another. I don't like it at all, Kev means the world to me, He is me! So from now on I am going to make sure he is my priority and make sure everyone else knows it too,,,, all my friends already know how important this guy is to me, I mean he is not my friend, he is my family for whom I would do anything for. I miss him dearly.
Life is just not the same not speaking to him every day, I remember the days when we wouldnt open a can of beans without reporting to each other, I know people say well, things change, but I fear change, I dont like it lol.

I am also slowly turning into Bree Van De Kamp for sure, my house has not look better, and is going to get better now HK is working, I spend my days now doing the typical housewife thing, cleaning the windows floors furniture, you know the score, I even re organised my food cupboards (i think i already shared that).... the weirdest thing is I love it.
Speaking of cleaning, I have some laundry to do, so I am gonna put my excellent excellent Kristian Valen cd on very loud and do my laundry. Oh Kristian Valen, I love him, he is wonderful in every way. Always good when you have found a man who can make you smile hehehehe!
Toodlepip

Hmmmm.

I am bored, it's 4.35am and once again I am awake. So I will use this time to smoke and tell all you people that are not reading this what's been going on in my little old uneventful life lol.
First of all I will get this out of the way quickly or I will start to rant and go on and on and it just makes me angry, one of my greatest childhood films that I still to this day find amusing and entertaining is being remade,,,, Drop Dead Fred. Why? Arrggggggggggggggggggggggg!!! Okay I am done!
Next subject, erm...... ooh yeah, you know how I have totally been obsessed with Lois and Clark : The New Adventures Of Superman,,,, well, I had nothing new to watch recently and my Lois Lane gave me season 1 of Desperate Housewives to watch. I have usually stayed away from it because it's totally not my type of thing. well within 3 days I had watched season, 1,2,3... then 24 hours after that I watched season 4 and I am now on 5.. it actually got quite addictive and some of the episodes are very cleverly written, it makes me laugh, and at times I can associate myself with each individual character, so well done DH, you won me over and I am now a fan! Hahaha. Either that or maybe I just have the hugest crush on Teri Hatcher. Without realising it she is one HOT woman.
The new Ster Trek movie is out! I am really on the fence with this, as a Trekkie I was exstatic at the thought of a new Star Trek movie,,,, for the past 3 years I have been looking forward to it... and then I saw the trailer for it, It looks like an excellent movie... and this is my problem, it looks like a fantabulous movie but not a fantabulous Star Trek movie, if it was not for the Enterprise NC1701D, the names Kirk and Spock, nobody would be none the wiser it was trekkie movie. It looks so Hollywood'ed up and action'y.. very Mission Impossible style,,, and as everyone knows the Star Trek movies has unbelievable action sequences without looking like an action movie, they always looked sci-fi and the new one to me does not, So I will watch it, but I am afraid I am not going to be able to watch it in the mind of a Trekkie because this is NOT a Star Trek movie. First Contact and Nemesis,,,, they were ST movies!!! I just really hope with all my heart I am pleasantly suprised and proven wrong in my pre-opinion. I am just not hopeful.
I would also like to congratulate my good friend Jack Napier on his new job, he seems happier already and only a few days have passed.
After going a week without a washing machine was begining to take it's toll on me but alas we now have a new one and I am in love, my laundry is back on track, the machine is ace, its big and quiet and fast! I have also not been sleeping very well at all and found myself awake up untill 9,10,11am, which is good in a strange kind of way because at roughly 6am I get a wind of energy that makes me want to clean, I have founf myself emptying kitchen units and bleaching them, my kitchen is now spotless, you could perform life saving surgery on the counters, So sometimes innsomnia can have its secret blessings. now HK is working again I have a feeling my house is going to be all Bree Van Der Kamp'y again, I can't wait. lol.
Whatever I have must be infectious, my Jean Claude Anderson at 5am the other morning was re-arranging his bedroom. lol., Myself and Lois are still as close as ever, and I dont think that will ever change, well I hope it doesn't anyway, we are planning a trip to England in August, I decided as a thankyou for everything she has done so far I will treat her and buy her a plane ticket, she more than anyone I know needs a break, the girl works so hard for so little. So in my eyes she deserves this, I am going to make it so much fun for her.
Okay thats enough for now, I am going for a smoke and try to find some crap to watch. lol then hopefully try and sleep.
Toodlepip folks!

Where is my Clark Kent?

I find it amusing how my personality is the type to easily become obsessed with something, for instance,,, I can't just like an album, I have to then own everything the band has ever done, I can't just like a tv show, I have to own every episode plus memoribillia. The people who know me knows this so therefore it does not need explaining.
So, I have done with all my tv shows, ie, House MD, CSI's and so on, and last week started to watch again Lois and Clark The New Adventures Of Superman, and so it happens again. I now own all the seasons and have spent almost 2000 kroners in 3 weeks on Superman stuff.... yet it's not Superman I am obsessing over, it's not even Dean Cain,,,, It's Clark Kent!! Help me please, even I know it's mental!
I have had a weird few weeks,,,, it's been both up, down, mental and sane. I have met a few new people, some of which turned me green (so to speak) and some of which I just found utterly annoying.
Jean Claude is getting all religous in a non religous way, reading the bible (old and new testament), and he is doing this just to find flaws lol,,,, typical him! I love it! He has also in some way turned into his old self which I think is great but also strange due to the fact I met him in a period in his life where he was somewhat humble, and now he is still the same guy but different! Heehee! Lois is still the best friend a gal could ask for, I am loving her more and more every day and she has yet to do something that I find irratating,,,, I have concluded I do not find any asspect of her annoying because there is nothing fake about her... she is just Lois and I will never get bored of her so it seems.
Jack Napier is still Jack Napier, Been chatting to him a little more and like him a lot, his sense of humour and way of thought I find magnetic, it's great!
Not seen much of the others.
Well, I have been thinking a lot about what I deserve in life, and most of the time I believe I don't deserve much but lately I want love, not just any type of love, BUT movie love,,, I want movie love,,,, and I am realistic to know I will never get that because its not real and I am not in The Truman Show, no one is writing my life for me. So Maybe I should just become a whore instead lmao!
They are remaking Drop Dead Fred, I have blogged about remaking movies before so I will say no more on the matter, if you know my views then I dont need to! Ok , Lois is giving me a make over, so I am gonna go now but may write more later... so much to talk about but never will! I am a woman of secrets and mystery, (no idea what I am babbling about now, my meds must be kicking in again).
I am going to start stalking Dean Cain, It's official, I am a creepy gal, but everyone loves crazy, till a little crazy loves you back! Thats me!
Toodlepip.

Sucks to be us!

Okay a few days have passed,,,,, hmmmm, yes I am not one of those that feel the need to blog about what I had for dinner,,, shocking!
So my good dear friend Lois Lane was totally robbed off her boss today and I am totally gutted for her, I would gladly go and torture her boss for her,,,, what he did was totally immoral and basically just a bastardy twatty thing to do... she works hard and puts up with a lot of crap and she is the one person it did not deserve to happen to.
Also lets just say that Dame Fake is about again and I am not happy, I am sick of seeing Lois unhappy and sad, and I dont like seeing her eyes become empty. She means the world to me and I would do anything to make her happy including getting rid of all the nastiness in her life. Like snails and fake-orammas!
I have started to watch the Harry Potter movies for her, I am now on movie 4 and by christ I hope they get better becasue the acting by Daniel Radcliffe is pathetic in the first three, its all cheesy and over the top, but so far I ahve loved the concept and especially Kenneth Brannagh, Alan Rickman and David Tennant, oh and the ginger twins are pretty cool too,,,,, so Lois asked me becasue I am watching these for her what would I like her to watch for me, It's either gonna be Boston Legal or Angel.....
Jean Claude has gone getting inked today lucky barSteward.... I am getting my Michael Jackson one soon, yay me!!! Erm, anything else... oh lots but I can't think right now, I am hating my hair, hating my body and all that boring crap people talk about in blogs, bla bla.
Well I am gonna go and watch Harry Fuckface Potter now and get it over and done with lol........ then go back to Superman because Dean Cain kicks ass!!!
I will post more later when I am feeling more literate, all I feel like saying now is ALL SNAILS AND DAME FAKE MUST BE WIPED OFF THIS PLANET EARTH! COME ON PEOPLE DO AS MICHAEL JACKSON SAYS AND HEAL THE WORLD,,,, GET RID OF ALL NASTINESS THAT IS SUCKING AWAY OUR SOULS,,,, we know real pain, Birds are fucking dying, so why can't they??
Toodlepip.

When does enough become enough?

The title of this means nothing, I am just bored and want to write, jesus christ the past few days ahve been weird and surreal and manic, I have been weird, surreal and manic lol. You start to see many people in different ways both good and bad, you can start to miss people for all the wrong reasons and yet resent others for all the right reasons. I have people in my life, both some I want in it and others that could easily be forgotten without tears. Faith is easily lost and gained so fast these days. At one point do you realise that there is more but yet nothing can be said? What does that even mean? I have no idea what I am talking about and I am not even smoking anything lol.
My head is up my own arse recently. Ever been were you have no idea what your looking for and then you find it and its within your grasp yet is also untouchable? Oh my me!
Been spending a lot a lot a lot of time with Lois Lane lately, I love her so much, she is irreplaceable (or however its spelt)... I could never imagine her not being there, I love laughing with her. Her smile is infectious.
Had a dream about Jean Claude Anderson the other day, dreamt that he told me he loved me and then told me he was dying all in the same sentance,,,, I woke up so angry at hima nd had no idea why till later on in the day and then it came to me and I remembered, I actually apologised to him, and then shouted at him for keeping "his dying" from me lol....... lucky for me he understood me craziness and laughed.
My home life is still unsatisfying but getting better, hey I aint complaining though, thats life, who's home life is satisfying?? Haha. Been watching a lot of movies recently, old movies, its been fantabulous,,,
Also I know of this person who has the reputation of being real smart and intelligent, well I recently learned that everything she says are other peoples works and words, and maybe only 10% are her own thoughts,,, this annoys me so badly, why do people nowadays feel the need to do things like this just to impress people,,,, its not clever and when they are found out if anything its just fucking embaressing.
Jean Claude is playing some fighting game now, its pretty cool to watch actually, I like to see him do these things, he is pretty cool and I am so proud of the person he is, I am proud to let everyone know he is my friend, Lois Lane is also on her laptop now, she is so cute, just sat there, typing and reading, twiddling her haor in her fingers, and of course Jack Napier is playing awesome mixes of music keeping us all entertained while he is also on his pc......
Thats what I love about these people, we are all on our pc's doing our own thing, not having the need to talk about crap to eachother just to break silences,,, its just comfortable, I almost ask myself, what did I do to deserve these guys in my life, they have improved it in so many ways and will never know exactly how much.
I am going to watch Superman the series now, to rid myself of the dirtyness that the new movie Superman Returns made me feel,,,,, I am sorry Jean Claude but I still truly believe it sucked donkey dick, but you did change my mind on Daniel Craig hehehehe.
Goodnight and Big Balls.
Toodlepip

Hmmmmm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

What's happening to the english language?

Okay, so after all this time, I was finally suckered into this Facebook. ....... now stick with me on this because I may start to ramble through annoyance.
I get that people are not always good at spelling, I am one of them, I get that sometimes not everyone's grammar is perfect, again I am one of them.
To a degree I can understand why this text slang milarky came about. BUT what I dont get is my 17 almost 18 year old brother sent me this message on facebook:

Hey sis U no I carnt speek Norwegan, U av 2 tork english.

Now, Kids can be kids, but this completley took me off guard, I was utterly shocked,,, so I check out my kids page and it became quite clear what was happening.... all his "friends and family" aged 15-40 all spoke the fucking same!!

This next passage is one of the replies to my Sean off a girlfriend of his:

sean im nt gunna find n e one that quick! haa its only bin a day.. im nt like you.. oj :D x n nooo we fell out i sed sorry but hes bein a mard arse x n wtf did u walk in and out ov the LRC this mornin
Awwww Im Thee One x Yhoo Two I Dintt Wanna Say Incase It Was Cheeseyy But Now Ive Seen It Im Like Awwwww I Loveee Youuuu.

Now this is so fkin frustrating because I sent him a private email asking him, to please send me a message and prove to me he can spell becasue I was highly dissapointed, I needed to know he was not just being fashionable so to speak. He emailed me back and it was perfectly good english. So my question is why is the "youth" of today not satisfied with the text slang, why have they taken it upon themselves to completley change the spelling of a word and not just abriviate it which to a point was acceptable,,,, it, night has become nytte..... its fkin annoying,,,, these people have had the same schooling as me, and I like to think I use the english language well and to it's full capacity.
Aaaaaaaghhh! I have norwegian friends who speak and write better english than the english..... and although thats great for me because I live in Norge, it still sucks donkey dick for the rest of the english. Thankyou
Toodlepip

Fuck everyone fucking about with classics!

Okay an hour as passed since my recent rant,,,,, I was just about calming down, smoking a smoke and being happy and laughing again in what is a possibly a good happy life, but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I come back from the store, feeling giddy and happy and my good friend Jean Claude tells me some news,,,,, They are remaking, yes remaking, no rereleasing, but re-fkin-making IT, stephen king's IT.... why, why, why ...
there is no need, if you remake that, then you have to remake, tommyknockers, dreamcatcher, needful things, sleepwalkers and all the others,,,, which is what some poor I wanna be a hollywood film maker is doing,,,, "I have a dream, to fuck about with everyone else's work" WELL DON'T!!
Let it be, Okay so IT had a terrible ending and nothing like the book, but thats almost become a trademark for King's movies, they are shit, cheesy acting not 100% but they are classics.....
Leave them alone,,,,,
Toodlepip

What the fk is happening to the movie industry??

Okay I am utterly pissed off, completley!!! I don't even know where to start here, I was incredibly insulted and let down when I found out that Will fkin Smith was remaking The Karate Kid.... not only that but casting his son, (nice way to break into show business eh?).... Why would anyone want to remake cheesy classics such as that is beyond me, I can to a point understand why movies that were never given the budget or the special effects capacity years ago are remade, I mean, imagine knowing a film from the 70's could be so much better for the "fans" if the technology we had today was used... so in that asspect I can clearly understand. BUT not when it comes to remaking a film thats less than 20 years old, that has neither special affects or anything like that, what on earth could be remade in The Karate Kid,,, what could be improved (apart from the typical cheesy 80's script, which is why we love it)?? Absolutely nothing could be improved, there is just no justification as in why this movie is being remade,,,,,,
So I forgot about this and moved on with my life, looking forward to better things in my life like my Michael Jackson concert, my new friends, Jean Claude Anderson, Jack Napier and Lois Lane,,,,,,, do not let my frustration about the whole Karate Kid thing get to me......
Well I tried and life was good, I tried.......... but this morning, to my disbelief I read some devastating news... another film is about to be remade,,,,, this movie is less than 15 years old..... its a normal film, (crappy in some eyes but by the by still a normal movie)....
The Bodyguard!!!!!!!!
Where is the achievment and satisfaction to remake a movie like that I thought, then I carried on reading, and more was explained, things began to make sense,,,
The one hit wonder , ten minute star that in 5 years will be forgotton silly little girl Rhianna is to be cast as the main role..... Well of course she is, she would have been my first choice too,,, after all she has been into the acting business for never! But she says she has always wanted to do movies, for fuck sake find me someone who wouldn't like that.... she is a nobody.... and the film does'nt need remaking anyway, this is the music manager/producer/publicists way of making her now seen as a serious entertainer.... WHAT-FUCKIN-EVER!!!!
Which gets me started on why do kids these days try and break into the music industry by proving their so called talents by doing a COMPLETE replica of someone elses song???
No people dont get me wrong, I find cover versions completley entertaining and enjoy many of them, when the people doing the cover have put there own stamp on it and made it their own, ie the bands that succsefully do this are Pet Shop Boys, Marilyn Manson,,,,, thats ok!! But not when a complete and utter fkin replica is brought out of a song thats 2-10 years old.... whats the point, what are you proving, is that not just gloryfied fkin kareoke??? I could do that and I am tone deaf! I cant sing for shit, but if thats all it takes nowadays to break into that entertaining field, I am going to remake something like The Matrix (becasue that doesn't need remaking but what the hell?) and come out with a hit version of Dont'cha? By the pussycat dolls, and of course its going to be exactly the fookin same, even the video is going to be a tribute to them by replicating that too becasue thats what gets you to number one apparently!! people will love it becasue after all the original hasn't been heard in almost 4 month!! whoa, how do we manage?

fuck and I have just been told now about friday the fkin 12th,.... i mean where is the imagination,,,,,, what the fuck is going on lmao!!! Now thats just a joke, but the principles of my complaint still stand.
So if you want to be a movie writer or musician or song writer or anything like that, remember the reason you wanted it, remember who inspired you,,,, do not think,,, ooh I have a favourite fkin movie I will remake it, or do not think hey in 2006 that song was ace, I will do my own fkin copy,,,,, its lack of talent, imagination, creativity!! So fkin pack it in and be original!!
Toodlepip

All good things come to those who wait....

I finally finally finally have it!!!! Like Charlie I got me a golden ticket,,,,, I am going to see Michael Jackson!!! 24 hours of lining up for tickets, no sleep and complete anxiousness,,,, but all was worth it,,,, the conformation came through and I now own 2 thats TWO tickets to see the king of pop... and I am ecstatic!
Cool country to live in, excellent awesome friends and michael jackson, oooh oooh ooh and Drammen now sells salt n' vinegar crisps!.. Could life be any better???
toodlepip

A perfect description..

Ambivalence suggests strong feelings... in opposition. The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." The word suggests that I am torn... between two opposing courses of action. It's the perfect word I think- for me!You know, there's too many buttons in the world. There's too many buttons and they're just- There's way too many just begging to be pressed,they're just begging to be pressed,you know? They're just - they're just begging to be pressed, and it makes me wonder, it really makes me fucking wonder, why doesn't anyone ever press mine? Why will no one ever tell me the fkin truth.... why am I always the fucking bad guy.?

Whatever....

Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. You hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds...
How am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease?
Well that's what ther-rape-me's all about. That's why fuckin' Freud's picture's on every shrink's wall. He created a fuckin' industry. You lie down, you confess your secrets and you're saved. Ca-ching! Borderline Personality Disorder. An instability of self-image, relationships and mood... uncertain about goals, impulsive in activities that are self-damaging, such as casual sex. Social contrariness and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed.
Constantly playing Betty Crocker and cut up like a god damn Virginia ham.
Is this what it's all about?

Very random comments being wrote as I am thinking them hahahaha.

Okay today has been a quiet day, and mostly quite uneventful... yet 2 hours ago I put on a movie with my Lois Lane, this movie was named, The Last Supper, if your thinking jesus you can stop right there, no this movie is about a group of grad students just offing people during dinner if they dont agree with their politics.. hmmmmm, not only that, they then proceed to bury these dinner guests under tomatoe plants in the back yard,,,,

Now there was plenty I had a problem with in this movie (which strangly enough wasn't that bad) but my main main problem, is the fact these kids (which is what they are) get away with 12 murders including a fkin cop and the tomatoe plants are not covering up the buried plots, no no no, they lay the dead bodies on the grass and cover with dirt, so there eventually are 11 body sized lumps with tomatoe plants on top of them, its like sooooooo obvious!

Anyway...I just can't talk about it anymore, it almost fked my head up as much Teeth.. has anyone seen that fkin movie??? If not, watch it then go on my friend Jack Napier's blog, no one can describe it better than that man!!!!

Isn't Micheal Jackson one of the greatest musicians that has ever lived? Isn't The Matrix one of the most superb movies ever made? Do my friends really like me?, Why does not everyone love Depeche Mode as do I?,

My new favourite snack is currently Tuna soaked in vinegar and mayo with chunks of raw onion...... dunno why, just recently thats all I want! My hair last week was long and black, my hair 5 days ago was short bobbed and red, its now short bobbed and black, within two weeks I got very restless and didnt know what I wanted then I thought ooooh, if its wet and back it will be Trinity style and if its down and dry it will be Uma Thurman Pulp Fiction style lol.... I need more mental help, I am gonna learn martial arts.

Lois Lane is sat next to me eating grapes, she is eating this one perticular grape like an apple and has been at it for almost 10 minutes I am impressed, she looks like a little squirell nibbling on nuts,,,, which reminds me speaking of nuts.... Jack Napier has advertised many many times now that he has balls as nig as Ireland (which he also says in an irish accent when saying it)..... what a man, what a man, what a man, what a might good man!!!! lmao.

Oh god, HK IS DRUNK!! Again,,,,,, he just phoned me, anyway so Lois Lane is now sat next to me balancing grapes on her tongue while sticking her tongue out at me,,,, in any 70's porn flick this would have been hot stuff, but currently not now, she just looks a little strange. heheh cute and adorable, but strange still,



Jean Claude Anderson is now dancing to Michael Jackson, thats cool, anyone that dances to MJ is good in my book, and he dances quite well too but I can not tell him that or his head will surely explode,,,,, lol... "I love me who do you love?" .... wouldn't change him for anything though,,, after all he likes Michael Jackson and many other awesome things too.

Ooooooh, CSI is on, Would I be a bad person if I didn't go home to would could potentially a fkin disaster, ?? I have not been home in 3 dats and today was actually looking forward to it,,,, but Oh I dunno, alcohol can change a soul, and it aint me that's drinking!

I want to watch Demolition man lol.... dunno were that came from! I think it's time I learned norewgian properly,,,, reading and wring it now just aint good for me anymore, I owe to my friends too I think,
OKAY dont like to smoke and type at the same time, so I am gonna smoke now and watch Jean Claude play Watchmen lol
By the way Michael Jackson's version of Come Together shits all over The Beatles version (and I love them too)...... Michael Jackson is just god! Everyone agree with me NOW!
Toodlepip.

Oh how things can change...

Greetings and Salutations.....Well well well, I finally gave into all this blogging that I hear the peeps are doing, hahaha, even signed up to stalkerbook, (sorry facebook), and the reason for this is because I have opinions that both matter and don't matter and I like to air them out and pretend people are listning. That and all my new found friends do it, lol....Okay here goes listen to this....In two years I have moved from the UK to Norway, broke my foot, fractured my skull, broke my nose, gone blind, recieved sight back then gone blind again only to get the sight back in one eye color blind, been diagnosed with a Neurological disease, been admitted into hospital with problems with my gall bladder which in 8 weeks I have to have surgery, and then to top it all off, diagnosed with severe manic depression and put on even more medication, (remember all this is in 2 years.. thats 24 month people)..... So medically things were not going great, me and HK have been having a little bit of a rough time to say it politly and of course the thought of just packing my shit and leaving has been there a lot, well, just over a month ago I was introduced to a smashing guy, we will call him Jean Claude Anderson heehee, and through him I was introduced to some more great folks, let's call them, Jack Napier, Lois Lane and Matt Murdock, not forgetting the wonderful Clark Kent,,,, (no I dont really know superheros but they are superheros to me, so its very fitting).... So I became very good friends very quickly with Jean Claude and then before knwoing it felt part of the clan/click/group/family whatever you want to call it very easily and very fast. Spent almost 2 weeks away from home and stayed at Jean Claude's... it's exactly what I needed... these guys made me realise I do want to be in Norway no matter what I was thinking before. So I am staying, they are helping me settle finally after 2 years because I now feel, I have a job, a boyfriend and a great fantastic wonderful awesome group of friends,,,, Jean Claude, Lois Lane and Jack Napier are irreplacable to me now, and I could never imagine them never not being there.
So in two years mainly the last six month I have gone through so much medically, 3 breakdowns mentally (yes still psycho, but ah what the hell, it makes me intresting).. wanted to move back to the UK, and now I have everything, because thats what these guys are to me, everything!! I can say that with my hand on my heart.

I finally got a ps2, things are now slowly being replaced from losing everything EVERYTHING I owned in UK.... which means I can replace all the games I miss,,,, yay!!
So bla bla bla, this is probably as serious as I may ever get,,, but now for the important stuff.....
MICHAEL JACKSON IS BACK!!!! He is in London just before my birthday and I am so there, I am gonna take Jean Claude because I wanna share this experience (because thats what it will be, it MJ ffs) with someone who will appreciate the genius for what he is.. a genius!
So this I am really looking forward too, Even giving up the chance to see Depeche Mode this years so I can save up my money,,,,, wish me luck,,,, like I need it, Its Michael fkin Jackson!!

Well lots of new movies coming out very soon, which I will so be giving my opinion on... music too, oooh the passionate music monster that does not pull punches when she thinks something is shit.. hahahaha! Which reminds me, Norway aint half bad for the entertainment value, there is Morten Abel, Kristian Valen and Åge Sten Nilsen.... all very awesome people if I don't mind saying so myself! lol.
Well its 6am, and I am gonna try and fall asleep while watching Jean Claude play on the pc... quite relaxing that can be. absolutely no doubt whatsoever that this blog is gonna be full of shit every day! and if you aint on medication now, you soon fkin will be... For instance, I think the matrix is real for a start, see where my head is at? Lol.
Okay, au revoir for now,
Toodlepip.