Is it as bad as it seems? Never!

There is nothing better in life than when someone who barely knows you :
1. Talks about you like they know you better than yourself,
2. Assume you are still the same person you were when you were 13yrs old.
3. Talks about you as if your not in the same room.
4. Refuses to believe you may just be slightly intelligent.

This is just four of the things I love when family comes to visit. Many people past and present ask me why I don't like people!? Why am I not a people person? I truly believe this is one of the reasons. Not many people will allow you to truly be yourself, they spend years of your life telling you to be yourself and when you try, that's when they stop you in your tracks and say "Be yourself". So I have now come to the conclusion they really mean, "Be what we expected of you".
Fuck it,
I stopped fighting it and now just sit quitely and wait for them to leave. It's much easier to sit and nod like a good little doggie. I would just like one day for people to leave me alone, it's as simple as that.
If I could truly have my wish it would be to live in an underground house with no windows. That would be nice. Now we know with my "blogs" I don't really like to put the typical complaining about my life type stuff but today and yesterday have just drove me almost insane,,, don't get me wrong, to some extent it's been nice, it's just those little quips and gobbets that I have to rise above. It's so tiring. I know it get's tiring because lots of other little things now in my head are big fucking deals, things that would not usually annoy me that much are now driving me insane.
Like, ok, here we go. Last Valentines day I went with Lois Lane to see Åge Sten Nilsen in Drammen, I was so excited, and of course when I got to meet him I played the "I have come all the way from England to see you" card!!! heehee! It was great, Lois said I made his day, he gave me a cuddle and a kiss.... and all this is in evidence now, because Lois took video's and photo's of this happening, plus everything I told that happened Lois was there as proof.
Then last night HK told me grandmother that I lie about thingsd and it's in my head but I tell people it's real. I asked "like when, who have I done that with?".... he simply looked at me and said "Åge Sten Nilsen"..... I was so shocked, not because he did not believe me even though I had photgraphic evidence, not because it was Lois that told the story, I was shocked because my gradmother sat there agreeing with him like 'yes that's what she does'. Thats what annoyed me, it made me look stupid, of course you could see this in my face and then my grandmother quipped "Oooh look at her face now!"...... he laughed.
It's not funny, it's those small things that can be very degrading to a person. It's no secret that my family make me feel like shit, they insult me and make me feel like a very small person capable of nothing. So you would think once and a while you could rely on the person you live (who knows all this) to just shut up not say things like that, if anything to big me up a little, make them proud. Like I say though this is something so terribly small not even worthy of being written down, but this is the mood I am currently in, frustrated, tired and just plain blah!
At the moment, listening to Kristian Valen is keeping me sane, sounds silly but it's true, he makes me happy.
Things are changing too, Jean Claude Anderson and his partner, oooh she needs a name, we will call her Nemi, yeah thats good, so Nemi has just moved into Jean Claude's house, thats cool, he's happy now. Michael's dead, Not seen a few of the others in ages, just it's all changing, I hate change, I fear change. The only thing thats consistent in my life and doesn't change is my Kev. He's always there no matter what, ready to discuss the same shit we discuss, as if it's the greatest conversation ever had. I like that, it's comfortable. I do wish he was closer, or I was.
What else do I want to ramble about?
I suppose I am just in a low blue mood today. Although in all honesty it's a better mood than yesterday. I hate complaining, but sometimes you need to get the pointless silly little trivia crap out or you will go out and hold a shopping mall hostage with an AK-47! LOL

I am not exactly happy at the moment, but I am not unhappy about it. I am just getting along with life. I am happy with HK, I am soon going to be working again which is excellent,. I am just waiting for my wahoo moment I suppose. I need that wahoo moment, and if I didn't think it existed I would have hung myself years ago, but I believe in it, I see it, I know it's there. There has to be some proof out there waiting letting me know it's not all for nothing.
You know what, I can't wait!
Toodlepip.