Wednesday is almost here and it's all I can think about. Michael Jackson's This Is It premiers and I have tickets to see the much anticipated "movie". I am scared to death of seeing it though. Truly knowing what could have been, I mean I actually have my concert tickets now, for a concert that will never ever happen. Yet I am going to get to see what I could have seen live.
It's very bitter sweet. I am so very excited to see it, of course I am, but of course I am anxious too. I know there will be tears before bedtime.
I will comment about the show after I have seen it.
On a brighter note my obsession with dinosaurs is finally going to pay off.... I am getting to see the excellent show Walking With Dinosaurs on Thursday night. That should be cool. They look so very real and are sooooo huge! Thanks to HK for that.
Again, I will comment more about that after the fact!
Hmmm what's new? What do I wish to discuss? Let's see?
Why do people stay in "relationships" when they have no intention on staying in them? Why do these people insist on being unhappy? Yeah sure they have their good days and in their own way love their partners but..but...BUT 90% of the time they can not explain why they are with that person. This baffles me. Are people afraid of being alone? Have we become a society that expects everyone to be in a relationship? Have we become that co-dependant?
How many people sit and wonder "What legacy will I be leaving behind?" or is it just me?
For weeks now I have thought more and more about this, not in a morbid way, more in a "how will I be remembered" kind of way. I have no children, and only 3 true good friends, one of which I have never seen face to face yet would take a bullet for. It's amazing how people can effect your life, so have I affected anyones life? You look at people like Michael Jackson, Princess Diana, Freddie Mercury, Elvis Presley..... yes apart from Diana they were entertainers but they are remembered and Never Ever forgotten. They left something behind. They touched people's hearts in a way not many can. I believe these people famous or not would still be remembered becasue of their passion for life. I like to think I have such passion.
Enough to be remembered anyway, yet of course I still question that. I question it because, what will I be remembered for? All I have done, places I have seen, and people I have met yet I have brought nothing back with me. These are things I wonder when I can not sleep, sorry! I am not depressed nor am I unhappy, just being all "thoughtfull" ha ha ha!
Here is another thing.... where is the motivation? In anything? Nobody seems to have any motivation to do or like or dislike anything anymore. Where has all the passion gone? Has everyone just given up?
It saddens me that nobody has that old "get up and go" in them anymore..... I have a friend with so much talent, that just oozes insperation and creativity and is all talk.... he could do so much more than what he is doing, The truth is he wants to but I don't think he quite believes in himself and that saddens me. Another friend who simply just accepted life as it is and tries to change nothing because he no longer sees the point! Why, why can't people want something so bad they would do just about anything to get it? What happened to that fire in people?
I can only think of one friend that I have that is fighting for success in life.... he has passion, he loves what he does and is working is heart out fighting for it. 112 people on Facebook and I can think of only that one! Is that not just wrong. Why can everyone not see that they are worth something in life and not everything is pointless and routine? Has everyone given up?
It's staggering what a person can do if they only try!
Right?
Toodlepip :-)
Monday, 26 October 2009
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Mr Valen I salute you!
Well as I have previously stated I love Kristian Valen, oh with all my heart. His comedy, his life, his music, it all makes me smile. Really makes me smile, makes me giddy and happy.
The last few days I have been a little blue hehehe, understated much? Tonight came on Valen's Frokost TV! His new show, oh god he is awesome, he is so funny and incredibly talented, and has oh so much creativity. I do really love him, he is awesome. How schoolgirly he makes me. All giddy and pathetic like.
I embaress myself sometimes with my reaction to this guy. Moving to Norway I found three artists that I loved to follow, The first one was within days of being here and that was Morten Abel.... For me he is a musical Kevin Spacey, all sophisticated and gentleman like. His voice is hypnostising and he makes me smile. Then not long after came Kristian Valen doing a show I found very hard to understand with it all being in norwegian, I had only been here a month therefor new nothing of what was being said, yet for some reason could not turn away. I was mezmorised by this man, and researched him and within days owned everything he has ever done. I knew more about this man than most norwegians lol. Obsessed much? I think so.
Then there was Åge Sten Nilsen from the band WigWam... he was just such a happy chap, and had an amazing voice.
So those are my three, and I have seen all but Kristian Valen! I have wrote to him, and he wrote back. Its exciting to know that for those few moments when he writes to me personally, he knows who I am, he knows I exist, and this is such a thrilling thought to me.
For me, the man is pure honesty. Full of bravado yet completley insecure and vunrable. The lyrics in his songs say, "I am not trying to be anything more than what I am and know", his honesty completley comes across. He is just absolutely awesome, I say awesome because I am in awe of him.
So anyway yeah, back to his new show. Of course the man's a genius and has pulled off another great! Can't wait for the next episode!
Toodlepip.
The last few days I have been a little blue hehehe, understated much? Tonight came on Valen's Frokost TV! His new show, oh god he is awesome, he is so funny and incredibly talented, and has oh so much creativity. I do really love him, he is awesome. How schoolgirly he makes me. All giddy and pathetic like.
I embaress myself sometimes with my reaction to this guy. Moving to Norway I found three artists that I loved to follow, The first one was within days of being here and that was Morten Abel.... For me he is a musical Kevin Spacey, all sophisticated and gentleman like. His voice is hypnostising and he makes me smile. Then not long after came Kristian Valen doing a show I found very hard to understand with it all being in norwegian, I had only been here a month therefor new nothing of what was being said, yet for some reason could not turn away. I was mezmorised by this man, and researched him and within days owned everything he has ever done. I knew more about this man than most norwegians lol. Obsessed much? I think so.
Then there was Åge Sten Nilsen from the band WigWam... he was just such a happy chap, and had an amazing voice.
So those are my three, and I have seen all but Kristian Valen! I have wrote to him, and he wrote back. Its exciting to know that for those few moments when he writes to me personally, he knows who I am, he knows I exist, and this is such a thrilling thought to me.
For me, the man is pure honesty. Full of bravado yet completley insecure and vunrable. The lyrics in his songs say, "I am not trying to be anything more than what I am and know", his honesty completley comes across. He is just absolutely awesome, I say awesome because I am in awe of him.
So anyway yeah, back to his new show. Of course the man's a genius and has pulled off another great! Can't wait for the next episode!
Toodlepip.
A little light at the end of the tunnel!
Okay so I made a proper sunday lunch today, ya know turkey roast, veg, mash, roast potatoes and gravy bla bla bla, it was really good too, everyone seemed to enjoy it and we are now watching Jean Claude Van Damme on TV with my grandmother, how awesome is that!?
So I see the light, nowhere near a wahoo moment, but its good!
Okay I am going for a smoke now and having a shower, The Cardinals are playing later against the Brewers, come on Cards!! We got RedBird Fever!!!!!!
Toodlepip.
So I see the light, nowhere near a wahoo moment, but its good!
Okay I am going for a smoke now and having a shower, The Cardinals are playing later against the Brewers, come on Cards!! We got RedBird Fever!!!!!!
Toodlepip.
Is it as bad as it seems? Never!
There is nothing better in life than when someone who barely knows you :
1. Talks about you like they know you better than yourself,
2. Assume you are still the same person you were when you were 13yrs old.
3. Talks about you as if your not in the same room.
4. Refuses to believe you may just be slightly intelligent.
This is just four of the things I love when family comes to visit. Many people past and present ask me why I don't like people!? Why am I not a people person? I truly believe this is one of the reasons. Not many people will allow you to truly be yourself, they spend years of your life telling you to be yourself and when you try, that's when they stop you in your tracks and say "Be yourself". So I have now come to the conclusion they really mean, "Be what we expected of you".
Fuck it,
I stopped fighting it and now just sit quitely and wait for them to leave. It's much easier to sit and nod like a good little doggie. I would just like one day for people to leave me alone, it's as simple as that.
If I could truly have my wish it would be to live in an underground house with no windows. That would be nice. Now we know with my "blogs" I don't really like to put the typical complaining about my life type stuff but today and yesterday have just drove me almost insane,,, don't get me wrong, to some extent it's been nice, it's just those little quips and gobbets that I have to rise above. It's so tiring. I know it get's tiring because lots of other little things now in my head are big fucking deals, things that would not usually annoy me that much are now driving me insane.
Like, ok, here we go. Last Valentines day I went with Lois Lane to see Åge Sten Nilsen in Drammen, I was so excited, and of course when I got to meet him I played the "I have come all the way from England to see you" card!!! heehee! It was great, Lois said I made his day, he gave me a cuddle and a kiss.... and all this is in evidence now, because Lois took video's and photo's of this happening, plus everything I told that happened Lois was there as proof.
Then last night HK told me grandmother that I lie about thingsd and it's in my head but I tell people it's real. I asked "like when, who have I done that with?".... he simply looked at me and said "Åge Sten Nilsen"..... I was so shocked, not because he did not believe me even though I had photgraphic evidence, not because it was Lois that told the story, I was shocked because my gradmother sat there agreeing with him like 'yes that's what she does'. Thats what annoyed me, it made me look stupid, of course you could see this in my face and then my grandmother quipped "Oooh look at her face now!"...... he laughed.
It's not funny, it's those small things that can be very degrading to a person. It's no secret that my family make me feel like shit, they insult me and make me feel like a very small person capable of nothing. So you would think once and a while you could rely on the person you live (who knows all this) to just shut up not say things like that, if anything to big me up a little, make them proud. Like I say though this is something so terribly small not even worthy of being written down, but this is the mood I am currently in, frustrated, tired and just plain blah!
At the moment, listening to Kristian Valen is keeping me sane, sounds silly but it's true, he makes me happy.
Things are changing too, Jean Claude Anderson and his partner, oooh she needs a name, we will call her Nemi, yeah thats good, so Nemi has just moved into Jean Claude's house, thats cool, he's happy now. Michael's dead, Not seen a few of the others in ages, just it's all changing, I hate change, I fear change. The only thing thats consistent in my life and doesn't change is my Kev. He's always there no matter what, ready to discuss the same shit we discuss, as if it's the greatest conversation ever had. I like that, it's comfortable. I do wish he was closer, or I was.
What else do I want to ramble about?
I suppose I am just in a low blue mood today. Although in all honesty it's a better mood than yesterday. I hate complaining, but sometimes you need to get the pointless silly little trivia crap out or you will go out and hold a shopping mall hostage with an AK-47! LOL
I am not exactly happy at the moment, but I am not unhappy about it. I am just getting along with life. I am happy with HK, I am soon going to be working again which is excellent,. I am just waiting for my wahoo moment I suppose. I need that wahoo moment, and if I didn't think it existed I would have hung myself years ago, but I believe in it, I see it, I know it's there. There has to be some proof out there waiting letting me know it's not all for nothing.
You know what, I can't wait!
Toodlepip.
1. Talks about you like they know you better than yourself,
2. Assume you are still the same person you were when you were 13yrs old.
3. Talks about you as if your not in the same room.
4. Refuses to believe you may just be slightly intelligent.
This is just four of the things I love when family comes to visit. Many people past and present ask me why I don't like people!? Why am I not a people person? I truly believe this is one of the reasons. Not many people will allow you to truly be yourself, they spend years of your life telling you to be yourself and when you try, that's when they stop you in your tracks and say "Be yourself". So I have now come to the conclusion they really mean, "Be what we expected of you".
Fuck it,
I stopped fighting it and now just sit quitely and wait for them to leave. It's much easier to sit and nod like a good little doggie. I would just like one day for people to leave me alone, it's as simple as that.
If I could truly have my wish it would be to live in an underground house with no windows. That would be nice. Now we know with my "blogs" I don't really like to put the typical complaining about my life type stuff but today and yesterday have just drove me almost insane,,, don't get me wrong, to some extent it's been nice, it's just those little quips and gobbets that I have to rise above. It's so tiring. I know it get's tiring because lots of other little things now in my head are big fucking deals, things that would not usually annoy me that much are now driving me insane.
Like, ok, here we go. Last Valentines day I went with Lois Lane to see Åge Sten Nilsen in Drammen, I was so excited, and of course when I got to meet him I played the "I have come all the way from England to see you" card!!! heehee! It was great, Lois said I made his day, he gave me a cuddle and a kiss.... and all this is in evidence now, because Lois took video's and photo's of this happening, plus everything I told that happened Lois was there as proof.
Then last night HK told me grandmother that I lie about thingsd and it's in my head but I tell people it's real. I asked "like when, who have I done that with?".... he simply looked at me and said "Åge Sten Nilsen"..... I was so shocked, not because he did not believe me even though I had photgraphic evidence, not because it was Lois that told the story, I was shocked because my gradmother sat there agreeing with him like 'yes that's what she does'. Thats what annoyed me, it made me look stupid, of course you could see this in my face and then my grandmother quipped "Oooh look at her face now!"...... he laughed.
It's not funny, it's those small things that can be very degrading to a person. It's no secret that my family make me feel like shit, they insult me and make me feel like a very small person capable of nothing. So you would think once and a while you could rely on the person you live (who knows all this) to just shut up not say things like that, if anything to big me up a little, make them proud. Like I say though this is something so terribly small not even worthy of being written down, but this is the mood I am currently in, frustrated, tired and just plain blah!
At the moment, listening to Kristian Valen is keeping me sane, sounds silly but it's true, he makes me happy.
Things are changing too, Jean Claude Anderson and his partner, oooh she needs a name, we will call her Nemi, yeah thats good, so Nemi has just moved into Jean Claude's house, thats cool, he's happy now. Michael's dead, Not seen a few of the others in ages, just it's all changing, I hate change, I fear change. The only thing thats consistent in my life and doesn't change is my Kev. He's always there no matter what, ready to discuss the same shit we discuss, as if it's the greatest conversation ever had. I like that, it's comfortable. I do wish he was closer, or I was.
What else do I want to ramble about?
I suppose I am just in a low blue mood today. Although in all honesty it's a better mood than yesterday. I hate complaining, but sometimes you need to get the pointless silly little trivia crap out or you will go out and hold a shopping mall hostage with an AK-47! LOL
I am not exactly happy at the moment, but I am not unhappy about it. I am just getting along with life. I am happy with HK, I am soon going to be working again which is excellent,. I am just waiting for my wahoo moment I suppose. I need that wahoo moment, and if I didn't think it existed I would have hung myself years ago, but I believe in it, I see it, I know it's there. There has to be some proof out there waiting letting me know it's not all for nothing.
You know what, I can't wait!
Toodlepip.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
